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Songs in the Key of Medical School
below I present you with the songs i wrote in medical school to help me remember various bits of anatomy and the like. i put all these on a cd and won an art contest. now that amy is in medical school it has taken on ever more importance. ever had a song stuck in your head? it can prove to be useful!
for best results, open the links in a new window so you can read along while i sing to you. otherwise, just save to your harddrive. you can also download a doc file with all the lyrics. for external use only, if accidentally ingested, consult a mental health professional.
The 12 cranial nerves of Christmas
To the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the last block of lab, Dr. Casey gave to us:
Twelve! Hypoglossal
‘Leven! Spinal ‘sessory
Ten! Las Vagus
Glosso! Pharyngeal
Eight! V-cochlear
Seven! Hey, the Facial
Six! Abducens
TRI-GEM-I-NAL
Four! Trochlear
Oc! ulomotor
Two Optic fibers
And a plain Ol’factory nerve.
The Muscles of the Hand
To the tune of the Mexican Hat Dance
The Thenar compartment contains three muscles,
Abductor pollicis brevis and,
Flexor pollicis brevis, opponens pollicis,
All for the thumb on your hand.
Adductor compartment contains one muscle,
Adductor pollicis (how sad!)
Hypothenar compartment, though, really makes up for it,
Having three muscles (not bad!)
Abductor and flexor and opponens versions
Of muscles called digiti minimi
And the central compartment contains lumbricals,
Metacarpals have their interossi.
What Cranial Nerve is This?
To the tune of Greensleeves
Alas, my love you do me wrong,
To cast me off so discourteously,
For I have loved you for so long,
Delighting in your company,
Olfactory nerve, special sensory,
Smell from each nasal cavity,
Optic nerve allows us to see,
Special sensory fibers as well.
Oculomotor nerve does improve,
Fibers allowing your eye to move,
Parasympathetics, too,
Constricting your pupil oh yeah.
The Trochlear has a one-track mind,
Superior Oblique is all it could find,
Trigeminal, big number five
Has three major branches oh yeah.
Ophthalmic division shows,
Feeling from forehead to tip of nose,
Maxillary, and chewing throes,
By Mandibular (skin of the jaw)
The Abducens is an underachiever,
The Lateral Rectus is all it delivers,
Facial, however, lets us forgive her,
Six branches to animate face.
Z-matic, Temporal, and P. Auricular,
Cervical, Buccal, and Mandibular,
Don’t forget taste or like Ferris Bueler,
You’ll have to retake the whole course.
Vestibulocochlear used to be,
Called Auditory, don’t you see,
Fibers are special sensory,
Allow you to balance and hear.
Glossopharyngeal is the man,
Stylopharyngeus and parotid gland,
Sensing from tonsils to middle ear land,
And taste for the back of the tongue.
The Vagus nerve does everything,
Motor and sensing inferiorly,
Motor to pharynx and that is key,
And Cardiac Plexus to boot.
Spinal Accessory, motor drivers,
Shrugging and pharynx for all imbibers,
Hypoglossal’s got spinal fibers,
And gives your tongue motor skills.
I know that this is my worst to date,
You’ll have to forgive me, it’s getting late,
But, before you get too irate,
Remember I love you all.
Greensleeves was my heart’s delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of joy,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And who but my lady Greensleeves.
The Muscles of the Thigh
To the tune of Turkey in the Straw
The flexors of the hip and the extensors of the knee,
Are the anterior compartment of the thigh, you see,
Pectineus, Iliopsoas, and the Tensor Fascia Lata,
Sartorius and Quadriceps Femoris, which are-a,
The Rectus Femoris, three Vastus:
Medialis, Lateralis, Intermedius,
Everybody here is innervated by Femoral,
‘Cept for tensor (sup. Gluteal) and the psoas (rami, ventral)
The Adductor group is seated in the medial thigh,
Adductor Longus, Brevis, Magnus, are three out of five,
Gracilis and Internis, Obturator, nothing more,
Innervation? Obturator! L2, 3, and 4.
Except for the hamstring part of the
Adductor Magnus, which is innervated, see,
By the Tibial part of the Sciatic nerve,
The L4 part, and I need an hors d'oeuvre.
Let’s pause now and consider the femoral triangle:
Adductor long, Sartorius, and Ligament, Inguinal,
Contains Femoral Nerve and sheath with artery and vein,
And in the lab it drives me crazy, ‘cause it all looks the same.
The Gluteal region’s packed, you see, eight muscles is the norm,
Gluteus mini, medi, maximus, and piriform,
Gemelli up and down, Obturator in and out,
Quadratus Femoris is the last one and I could shout.
The hamstrings are in the back of the thigh
Biceps femoris, don’t ask me why
Semitendinosus has such a long name,
But Semimembranosus really puts it to shame.
The Battle Hymn of the Lower Leg
To the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic
The leg has an anterior compartment don’t you miss,
The extensor longus muscles: digitorum and hallucis,
Tertius and Anterior Tibialis
Deep Fibular nerve supplies all
Lateral compartment has the
Fibularis longus, brevis
Both are innervated by the superficial fibular nerve
Posterior has Tibialis and the Flexors Long,
In the deeper part; the superficial ones then come along:
Pop and Gastroc, Soleus and Plantaris, the song,
Is almost over from here.
Sorry this song isn’t better,
I sometimes wish that I were Netter,
My favorite cheese is cheddar! Goodnight, I love you all.
The Gram-Positive Bacteria Overture
To the tune of The William-Tell Overture
If you are positive on the ol’ gram’s stain,
Then you are one of the bugs that I can name,
Let’s say you aspire to Cocci fame,
I will start with a Strepto aim.
Group A, beta-hemolytic please it may be strep pyogenes,
Group B’s beta-hemolytic, hey it may be agalactiae,
Group D: bovis, equinis, the joy!
Entero fecalis, faecium, hoo boy!
If you don’t have a single Lance on you,
And you’re alpha-hemolytic, too,
viridans Strep just might be your cue,
Or Strep Pneumonia, whew!
But if you contain lovely Catalase,
Then you are of the Staphylococcus race,
aureus is the one with Coagulase,
e and s have to hold their place.
On to the rods! Do you form a spore? Bacillis anthrax knows the score,
B. cereus, do you need some more? Clostridium is here!
botulinum and ol’ tetani,
perfringens and difficile won’t let me be.
Do you not form a spore? Oh, wait no d-uh,
You could be Corny diphtheria,
Either that or the listeria,
Positive Gram Bacteria!
The STD Song
Tune traditional
I went to town to see
Her cootchie-oscopy
‘Cause she’s been livin’ large,
And has a foul discharge.
All the interns were there,
They came to gape and stare,
"I’ve never," they declared,
"Seen such a derriere."
So give a drug for the Gonorrhea bug,
And shut your yap, she’s got the clap.
(How could you ask for more?)
But oh that hug and kiss gave her the Syphilis,
Positive UPT, and oh the HIV
And the Herpes Two abounds,
Pubic lice were all around,
Her Trich has a feast, Condyloma’s a beast,
And ol’ Candida yeast.
I am the Very Model of a Diuretic
To the tune of I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General
I am the very model of a Diuretic, full of pride,
I am CA inhibitor, just like Acetazolimide,
My Mannitol’s osmotic, and I’m Hydrochlorothiazide,
Down in the loop, I block the largest channel like Furosemide.
And if you need potassium spared, look no further away than me,
I am Amiloride, Spironolactone, and Triamterene,
Hot damn! I rule, if you’re not peeing now then you can say I lied.
I am the very model of a Diuretic, full of pride.
The CHF Treatment Song
To the tune of Jingle Bells
CHF, CHF, Heart is going to die,
To increase contractile force, give Dig the glycoside.
CHF, CHF, get Calcium high,
Increase cAMP with an amine or ol’ PI.
CHF, CHF, Heart is going to die,
To increase contractile force, give Dig the glycoside.
CHF, CHF, afterload goodbye,
ACE, a beta blocker, and three diuretics try!
Here Come the Anti-Arrythmics
To the tune of Here Comes Santa Claus
One-A quinidine
One-B lidocaine
One-C flecainide, hey
Two, propanolol
Three, amiodarone,
Four, verapamil, yea
Anti-arrhythmic agents make me want to sing all day,
But I won’t.
lyrics and vocals by s taylor williams, md.
copyright 2002 dead jester productions
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